I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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