Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
