Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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