it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
