I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
