Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
