I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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