I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
