shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
