I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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