Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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