Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
