I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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