I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
