Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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