We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
