dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
