I must be too annoying 4 u.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
