my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
