Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
