If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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