I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
