I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
