i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just threw up on my dentist
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i love accidental penises.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
