we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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