They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
