I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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