I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
