I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
