you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
