got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
please come you make the beer taste better
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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