I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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