hell yes lets make some ravioli
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
