I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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