why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
