You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
