Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think my moral compass just broke
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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