i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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