We named our party play list daddy issues
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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