i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
