Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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