I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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