I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
