member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize