just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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