The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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