you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
