Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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