my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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