Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize