I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
