My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
