Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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