I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
