forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
