her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
