Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
