the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
