I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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