You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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