either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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