hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
