she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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