AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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