so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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