Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
