He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You had me at "let me see your balls"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
