you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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