Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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